Frilly Toothpicks

Not wanting to trek fifteen miles to grab lunch, I decided to replicate my favorite turkey club from the local sandwich shoppe. I carefully toasted my nine grain slices, delicately slathered on yellow mustard, sprinkled a dose of salt and pepper, layered thinly sliced turkey breast, snuck in a piece of lettuce, added a dash of love and admired my beautiful creation. There was one last step...add the frilly toothpick--the exclamation point to a beautiful sentence, the encore at the end of a concert...the essence of a deli sandwich. When I stuck the frilly toothpick in, I was disappointed to see it slide right back up, out of the bread. I thought to myself, "this is definitely not right". I shoved it back in and much to my dismay, out it came. This got me thinking...just HOW do restaurants get those little things to stay in there? Perplexed, I grabbed the toothpick and examined it. No wonder I could not get it to stay in, it is straight as an arrow and smooth like the wind. How could something like that bind to warm, oven fresh bread and juicy turkey breast? Impossible. It was then I decided to send a message to the toothpick manufacturers...I decided to send them said message through this very blog:


Dear Diamond Brand Toothpick Manufacturers,
Sometimes I wish to make a deli replica sandwich in the comfort of my own apartment...a feat which is only made possible with the addition of a frilly toothpick in the center of my sandwich. However, your poor design makes it impossible for normal folks like me to duplicate deli sandwiches. Your toothpicks are straight and offer no structural anchors to bind to the sandwich. This is a severe problem for your consumers. However, I have offered a remedy. Have you ever seen a trident? Listen, I know it sounds farfetched, but I truly believe that creating a trident-shaped toothpick will not only interest potential customers, but will reinforce to your consumer base that you care about them and the ambiance of their sandwiches. I don't even mind if you take the credit for this one...I am not all about the glory. i just want my sandwich to be perfect.

Sincerely,
Concerned Sandwich Connoisseur