Absentee Ballot

I filled out my absentee ballot today and while the feeling of bubbling in my vote for this historic presidential election was immensely satisfying, I couldn't help but walk away from the experience a little melancholy.  The root of my disdain comes from the fact that I had to pay the postage on the envelope.  And while the amount was a paltry forty two cents, it was 'the principle of the thing' that upset me.  The whole idea behind the voter paying postage hints at an undertone that one must be fiscally capable of doing so.  Our country was based on the idea that anyone can vote--rich or poor.  And there should not be a financial barrier to voting.  To me, this idea is faintly similar to that of a poll tax.

It is simply unAmerican for our government to require us to pay postage on an absentee ballot!  Any imposition that presents an obstacle to voting simply should not be allowed.  End of story.

Muffins and Cake

Carol saunters out of the elevator towards her cubicle one groggy Sunday morning. Skinny latte and muffin in hand, everyone she passes realizes she had to skip breakfast at home in the interest of time. But there are no judgments. Clearly, Carol chose the healthy route on a morning when grabbing a doughnut and a hot chocolate would have been much faster and easier. Carol arrives at her desk and releases her satchel. She pulls out her chair and plops her latte and muffin on her desk. Just as she gets settled and is about to eat her breakfast, her boss, Janice, rushes through the halls and attracts quite a lot of attention. It is painfully obvious that Janice is running late. Unlike Carol, Janice chose the unhealthier option. Since her daughter turned three yesterday, her house had a surplus of birthday cake, so Janice grabbed a piece on her way out of the door. As Carol took the first bite of her muffin she (and the rest of the office) smugly judged Janice for her blatantly unhealthy breakfast.

One of the most fascinating things to me is the general acceptance that muffins are good for you, when in fact, they are just dome shaped mini cakes. Think about it...why do you like muffins so much? Is it because they are conveniently packaged portions? Is it because they are sweet? Is it because they can come in a variety of flavors? Is it because of that drizzle of glaze some bakeries put on top? Guess what. I just described a cupcake.

And that is why I love muffins so much...even moreso than cake. In an ideal world, I would eat cake every day. However, there is a certain stigma to being a cake-eater. Think back to Janice. Didn't you feel sorry for her? Oh...she is so frazzled that she is eating cake for breakfast. That is so pathetic. And didn't you find yourself thinking, "keep up with that cake habit of yours and you'll be developin' some nice muffin tops pretty soon..."

Carol and her muffin, on the other hand, get off scot free. When you read about her, you thought, "Attagirl, Carol! Way to make a healthy decision!" But deep down, she is thinking, "Bahahaha! I have tricked the office into thinking I am a healthy eater and made a wise decision for breakfast. Now, I will discontinue my inner monologue so that I may enjoy my cake. Hahahaha, Janice! You are a sucker."

Muffin eaters, beware. I am on to your scheming.

Drivers' Licenses

Just because you don't have your drivers' license with you does not mean you are not qualified to drive.  I hate that we drivers can get in a huge amount of trouble for driving without that silly little plastic card.  My driving skills do not depend on whether or not my license is with me--they relate to how observant, cautious, and judicious I am on the road.  So, since none of those qualities relate to my carrying a physical manifestation of a license, I think it is silly we always have to be armed in that sense.  

In a world where phones are routinely equipped with internet and computer monitors are touch sensitive, it is more than sensible to expect the Department of Motor Vehicles can put drivers' licenses in an electronic database that is accessed via fingerprint.  

In my mind, the process is as simple as this:

Karen is driving fifty in a thirty five mile per hour zone.  Just as she puts more pressure on the accelerator, she notices a strobe of blue and red lights in her rearview mirror.  She slows the car and stops on the side of the road.  The police car slows behind her.  The officer approaches her car with a small device, about five inches in length and width.  He notifies her of the offense and asks her to press her finger on the screen.  Almost instantly, the computer pulls up Karen's information:  her full name, date of birth, address, eye color, hair color, height, and underestimated weight.  Not only does the officer have all of this information at his fingertips, he can be certain it is not expired or fabricated (except for the weight--as a woman, I beg y'all to just let us lie on that one).

Converting this kind of information to electronic databases will please multiple groups...

Adults will be happy because bars and liquor stores will have additional measures to prevent the sale of alcohol to minors because they will have to use their fingerprints before purchase.  The issue of a fake i.d. would become a moot point because you can't fake your fingerprint.

Once said minors get over the fact that they can't buy liquor anymore, they, too will become happier.  They will have more money to spend on technology and clothes once they stop buying all that liquor.  Also, they won't have to worry about wasting fifty bucks on a fake i.d. ...  It will take a while for them to warm up to this idea, but I am confident they will... eventually.

Environmentalists will rejoice when they find out no more plastic will go to waste as a means to manufacture licenses.

And I will rejoice because the whole country will realize that I came up with this amazing idea and everyone will acknowledge that I am extremely clever.

You're welcome, America.

Crazy Cat Lady

You've heard about the crazy cat lady, right?  I think I am going to be the crazy dog lady.  

But you're not creeped out, right?  For some reason, having a lot of cats or simply being a 'cat person' carries a strange stigma, when it absolutely should not.  

Before you read any further, please remember how I referred to how a best friend's qualities translate to our personalities...okay, do you remember?  Good.  Keep reading.

Look at cats; they are independent, care for themselves, and don't need anyone to love them to be sufficient.  In fact, cats make you work for their love.  If someone can live like that, I applaud him or her (probably a her because there are no crazy cat men...).  That is quite empowering to be that independent.

Dogs carry a different stigma.  They will love you no matter what and depend on their owner's adoration.  Now, because I am a dog person, do you judge me because you think I am needy?  Nope... probably not.  It's a strange double standard.

So, I want to take this time to get it out in the open.  Let's leave the crazy cat women alone.  Ladies, let's not be afraid of becoming a cat lady, but instead, hope we can someday harness that kind of independence...even if we are dog lovers. 

Magnets

I just moved in my apartment a few months ago and I am sad. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my bedroom, my view, my closet, my doorbell--I love everything but just one thing.

My fridge is stainless steel and as a result, it is not magnetic. I don't pride myself in much, but I do like to brag about my magnet collection from time to time. What a shame it is not to display some of my most prized possessions for everyone to see.

As soon as I realized my fridge was not magnetic, I had a mission--I had to find something glorious to put my magnets on.

At first I could not find a large surface for everything, so I decided to spread the love and put magnets wherever they would stick. So, I started with my toaster. My toaster has my alligator chip clips that I cherish so much.

My "monkey expression" magnet was just too big for the other side of my toaster, so I put that on my laundry machine.

There is a metal vent above my stove that I have discovered has regions of magnetism, so as I dust off my magnet collection, I will be sure to put some there.  

Also, there is an area about one inch long and half an inch tall on my oven that will hold very weak magnets.  

This whole episode has distressed me greatly.  I just really wanted to have that stereotypical fridge with random and absurd magnets on it.  To me, that is the mark of a home that is lived in.  But, I kinda like the way my magnets are spread out all over the place now.  It means that I will stumble upon them more often and they will give me little bursts of happiness throughout the day.  

So friends, if you are reading this and are upset because you, too, have a stainless steel fridge, fret not.  Follow my lead and share your magnets with your oven and dryer--it's more interesting to spread the love.  

...And how many people do you know(except me) who put magnets on their laundry machines?  Not that many, right?  

Even if your fridge is magnetic, I propose you find other places for your collection.  Let's start a revolution and make fridge magnets a thing o the past.