Muffins and Cake

Carol saunters out of the elevator towards her cubicle one groggy Sunday morning. Skinny latte and muffin in hand, everyone she passes realizes she had to skip breakfast at home in the interest of time. But there are no judgments. Clearly, Carol chose the healthy route on a morning when grabbing a doughnut and a hot chocolate would have been much faster and easier. Carol arrives at her desk and releases her satchel. She pulls out her chair and plops her latte and muffin on her desk. Just as she gets settled and is about to eat her breakfast, her boss, Janice, rushes through the halls and attracts quite a lot of attention. It is painfully obvious that Janice is running late. Unlike Carol, Janice chose the unhealthier option. Since her daughter turned three yesterday, her house had a surplus of birthday cake, so Janice grabbed a piece on her way out of the door. As Carol took the first bite of her muffin she (and the rest of the office) smugly judged Janice for her blatantly unhealthy breakfast.

One of the most fascinating things to me is the general acceptance that muffins are good for you, when in fact, they are just dome shaped mini cakes. Think about it...why do you like muffins so much? Is it because they are conveniently packaged portions? Is it because they are sweet? Is it because they can come in a variety of flavors? Is it because of that drizzle of glaze some bakeries put on top? Guess what. I just described a cupcake.

And that is why I love muffins so much...even moreso than cake. In an ideal world, I would eat cake every day. However, there is a certain stigma to being a cake-eater. Think back to Janice. Didn't you feel sorry for her? Oh...she is so frazzled that she is eating cake for breakfast. That is so pathetic. And didn't you find yourself thinking, "keep up with that cake habit of yours and you'll be developin' some nice muffin tops pretty soon..."

Carol and her muffin, on the other hand, get off scot free. When you read about her, you thought, "Attagirl, Carol! Way to make a healthy decision!" But deep down, she is thinking, "Bahahaha! I have tricked the office into thinking I am a healthy eater and made a wise decision for breakfast. Now, I will discontinue my inner monologue so that I may enjoy my cake. Hahahaha, Janice! You are a sucker."

Muffin eaters, beware. I am on to your scheming.