20

I'm turning 20 tomorrow...and I am weirded out. Here's the thing about turning twenty: yeah, it is exciting to be part of the twentysomething crowd (the mature, older, cool kids), but escaping from one's teen years only means one thing to me right now: accountability. I have always been a responsible person--an accountable one, too. I turn in things on time, I 'fess up when I think I have done something wrong, I don't make excuses, people depend on me.

While I have always lived like this, I always knew that deep down, if I did feel like turning something in late or blaming the world for my problems, people could always chalk my mess-ups to being a teenager and not knowing how the world works. If I ever slipped up, it wouldn't technically be my fault--it would be youth's fault. But now, in approximately 3 and a half hours, when the clock strikes one twelve a.m. on October 12th 2008, all of this will change.

It's weird to think everything about the way people see you will change in a mere second. At 1:11 and 59 seconds, I will be a young kid who is still trying to figure out everything for herself. But that's okay, because I am a teenager. But one second later, I will be in my twenties. It will be my responsibility to take life by the horns and finally get my stuff together. If I mess up, the blame is on me. It will be one hundred percent my problem, one hundred percent my fault.

So, yeah, turning 20 is my scariest birthday so far. But the more I think about it, the more "okay" I am with it. Being 20 isn't the time to try not to fail--it is the time to show people what I can do.